goodbye 2010

Dear 2010,
it's been real. i learned a lot about myself, and my realtionship this year. it wasn't easy, nor was it how i thought things would turn out but thank you. thank you for showing me that even if my husband and i can't have children we will be a family. thank you for showing me that i have friends and family that will love and cherish our future children no matter how they join our family. thank you for testing my faith and making me realize it's still there. but mostly thank you for hope. we needed it.

here's to 2011

christmas is over...

i'm so sad christmas is over! i had a blast, but in the back of my mind there was this lurking stress. i don't want to spend too much time complaining, but there's been a lot going on and i'm worried that if i don't take care of some of it soon, it's going to get in the way of finishing up the licensing procedure... not that we won't be able to get it done, we just want to get there asap!
ok, enough complaining!

christmas was awesome! loved spending time with my family, had tons of good food, and lots of time to be lazy.
oh! and sorry if i've been sucking at responding to comments, i thought it was supposed to notify me when i got them, but i haven't figured it out yet!
hope everyone had a good holiday!

and i promise my next post will be exciting, maybe even with a pic of the kids room we've been working on!

in the midst of the holiday madness

I feel like Christmas is totally sneaking up on me this year!
Don't get me wrong, presents have been purchased, the halls have been decked and some cookies have been baked, but we've had so much stuff going on with trying to get our foster to adopt license that i just now realized how close Christmas really is!
I'm not gonna lie, I'm more excited about how far we're coming along in the licensing process than I am Christmas this year. (if you know me, you know how big of a deal this is)
But, the hubs and I have decided that while it's great we're so excited for this and we know there's still a lot to be done for it, we need to take a moment to enjoy the holidays.
I hope amid the madness of the season, everyone reading this takes a moment to do the same.
Whether you're celebrating a winter holiday this year or not, I hope everyone takes a moment to look around and find something that finds them genuinely happy and focus on that for a little while.

dun dun dun... the homestudy

so last week was our first homestudy visit, there will be two more and the fire inspection.
it. was.


so easy! seriously i don't wanna jinx us but so far, so good. the questions were exactly like i had expected, the hubs and i both felt at ease and we're actually looking forward to the next visit. due to the holidays we're not sure when our 3rd visit will be or when we'll be able to set up the fire inspection but, i'll be sure to keep everyone updated :)

lucky

i'm not sure if i believe in luck... but today i'm feeling pretty lucky!
the hubster got offered a new job that i honestly thought had passed him up today! this is good for us and very good for him. i think he's been doubting himself lately and this will hopefully be the boost he needs. we also went and picked up some toddler bedroom stuff that we got a great deal on last week... the more we get and the closer we get to being licensed makes this feel more real.
but i feel luckiest to have my husband... you know the colbie calait and jason mraz song where they say "lucky i'm in love with my best friend"... i truly am. my husband is an all-star (even on the days he makes me want to rip out my hair). he gets a new job and thanks me for telling him about the posting i saw... he tells me i'm beautiful every day and even though i don't always belive him, it doesn't hurt to hear... and possibly most important through this wait he tells me what great parents we'll be. now don't get me wrong i know we'll be far from perfect and i know he probably lays it on a little thick cause i'm his wife but i still feel very lucky to have him around to do so...
congrats again, babe... i love you

moving along...

things are moving along quite nicely with our licensing process. we have a meeting later this week to go over what we need to finish up with our application and to start scheduling the home study! (i'm not gonna lie, no matter how many people tell me that the homestudy will be fine and that it's not as big of a deal as i'm making it i am still n e r v o u s!) i've been passing time by trying to gather as much information about foster care and adoption as possible and by talking out stuff with the hubs. he's just as excited as i am for this to be moving along and i get the chance to fall in love with him once again when we talk about how we want to raise children. oh! and i get to shop! yes, i'm one of "those girls" i love shopping! even more so when it's not for me.

other than that i've been preparing for thanksgiving (first time at my house and mom is staying the night to help cook!) and starting to sneak in a christmas decoration here and there... ok, maybe i'm sneaking in everything but the tree but still!
well, if i'm not back here to wish you all a happy thanksgiving, i hope it is a great one filled with love!

xoxo

wow moment!

i just had a major wow moment and not in a good way! last night i went to a party with my fam and had a blast, then pictures were posted today and i saw the effects of the pounds that have been creeping up on the scale :(
so instead of crying about it i'm going to get up off my fluffier than usual butt and do something about it! (ok, so maybe i cried about it a little, but now i'm doing something about it)

aaannndddd i want you guys to hold me accountable.
so if anyone has any tips of helpful suggestions please feel free to share!
thanks all!

my twitter friends are awesome!

seriously, if you guys only knew how inspiring all of you are!
the process of becoming a foster parent is long... the process of accepting that the hubs and i may never have children of our own was longer.
every day i know i have a group of people that understand where i'm coming from.
and that i have someone to laugh, cry, hope, be angry, be silly and wait with...
and i am so thankful for that! i share your guys' stories with my husband because as well as our families and friends mean, sometimes they just don't get it... you all get it.

so, i just wanted to say thank you!

Patience is a Virtue... aka oompa loompa's are taunting me

and apparently i am not that virtuous...lol
oh my goodness y'all, i have lost all patience lately. i used to be a very patient person, it was one of my best qualities, i boasted about my patience and understanding and blah, blah, blah...
then, i decided i wanted children (correction: have always wanted children, decided i was ready for them) and all patience went out the window.
i'm like the little brat from willy wonka... BUT daddy i want a baby and i want it RIGHT NOW!!!! (i can here the infertility oompa loompas in the background now... oompa loompa doopity dee the one thing you aren't getting right now is a babyyyyy)
seriously guys, while the hubs and i were doing our foster care training i was fine, i was occupied. now we're waiting on our cpr certifications before we can continue and i'm going crazy!
i'll do good keeping myself busy and trying to focus on the holidays coming up and then a christmas commercial comes on with a happy family opening presents and everyone's hugging and i go all golden egg again...
i think i need a hobby to keep me occupied... maybe i'll look into making candy

smile! (no, seriously smile)

i was going to write a blog post about things that annoy me... but when i hit publish my internet connection was lost and it was a blank post... someone is trying to keep me positive (thank you)

instead i'm going to make a list of things that make me happy, if you're not a fan of lists or happiness, might as well mosey right along, cause here it goes:

Things That Make Me Smile

funny movies, hot cocoa, my husband, puppies, holidays, crafty stuff, lip gloss, my family, knock knock jokes, my twitter friends, my "real life" friends, the fact that someday i will be a great mom, babies, kids in general, chipmunks, the color pink, word searches, naps, napping, warm blankets, laying out in the sun, the beach, britney spears, any pop music, the fact that i've met carlton from the fresh prince of bel-air and mr. belding from saved by the bell ( carlton cool, mr. belding a little creepy), love, decorating, christmas lights, cookies, fuzzy slippers, reading....

so there's way more things that make me happy but that was enough to give me the warm fuzzies for now... which reminds me we used to do a thing at camp called warm fuzzies where we'd write something nice about someone and attach it to one of those pom pom things with googly eyes and anonymously leave it for that person calling it a warm fuzzy... i think we need those in adult life

so here is my warm fuzzy to anyone reading this blog....

You are amazing and perfect :)

hugs and kisses!

new netbook!

so excited guys!!!
I got a new netbook today! The hubs has spoiled me yet again, and now I'll be able to blog more often! We're finishing up our training this week, then it's off to get cpr certified and fill out the actual application to start the homestudy! Ummm.... p.s. totally have to hit up starbucks this weekend to use their free wifi :D

i'm baaaack!

ok kids i'm back! and i deleted my last debbi downer post because who wants to read something all whiney and pessimistic in a blog about hope? sorry for the absence lots o' drama with extended family then i got really sick for like two weeks which felt like two years!

anywho foster training is coming along well! working on paperwork and application stuff and have to make up a couple classes the beginning of next month from when I was sick then it's on to the homestudy! I am nervous for that part, I'll be honest, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there! For now the hubs and I are just trucking along getting stuff ready and trying to not let our excitement get the best of us while we wait!

later, lovies!

p.s. big thanks to my twitlet who reminded me to update!!!

and so we begin!

Sorry for the lack of posts, but we've been a busy household this week. And next week isn't looking any less busy at all! But, I am very thankful for the chaos. We start our foster care training the end of this week and I am nerrrrvvvvooouuuussssss! I know I shouldn't be, but I am. And, the mister is satarting a new job this week!
We will be busy, but it will be well worth it!
Also, my mother has stolen my heart all over again... she left a massive amount of baby and toddler stuff that she's been picking up at yard sales on my front porch for us yesterday. I. Love. That. Woman. [Also, shout to my dad and sister for being her yard sale assistants :) ]
well, i am off to do some blog reading my lovies,
have a great weekend!

heffalumps and woozles (aka the fear)

For those of you who didn't grow up with winnie the pooh sing-a-longs heffalumps and woozles are those sneaky little creatures pooh thinks are out to steal his pot of honey.
Lately I've had my own share of heffalumps. I'm not worried about any pots of honey, but I am worried about my ability to become a mother. My husband and I have come to terms with the fact that we may never conceive a child. How our babies come to us was never really the important part, which is one of the main reasons we opted out of trying treatment and went towards adoption. However not being able to be parents is another story. This is where the heffalumps start popping in to say hello and the woozles creep into my dreams at night.
I'll be the first to say it... I am afraid!
I'm scared we won't be approved. Or that we'll never find a child for permanent placement. Or there will be an error in paperwork. But mostly I'm scared someone is going to look at me and my wonderful husband, who would be the best father in the world, and say we don't get to be parents.
Ugh that was rough, I think I need some honey.

weighting and waiting...

Hey all! I've had some weight issues on my mind for a while now and they were brought up again today by a friends thoughtless comment. (put a party off for a couple months and said a pro was time for me to lose weight... meant us but still ht stung a little).
When i first had trouble getting pregnant everyone suggested we lose weight. So we did, and still no baby. Then, as we were waiting for answers, or a baby, or hope the weight crept back on. So here I am again, trying to lose weight while I wait for my children. But, this time I'm doing it for other reasons too. Every pound I lose is another pound closer to being able to enjoy the park w/ our family. Or take a walk to my parents house without being winded. And the positive habits I'm building now will be ones we can pass on to our kids :) These reasons have always been there, i guess i just got caught up in looking at the negatives instead of taking a hopeful approach. Well, here we go again! hugs and love

happy anniversary and "despicable me"

my husband and i have been married for 2 years today. As with any holiday, there's a slight twinge due to the fact that we still don't have a child to share it with, but in some ways i am thankful for this fact. We're starting this year with more hope than ever. I feel like it's been 20 years and i wouldn't have it any other way! We've been through so much together and this is just the beginning of the ride...
ok enough with the mushy gushy and on to "despicable me". We went to my new favorite place, the drive-in for our anniversary (I may have to do an entire blog on the drive-in someday) and saw "despicable me". I LOVED IT! I'm a big fan of kids movies... hubs can take em or leave em, but he loved it too. The music was great. I laughed a lot and yes, i will admit it i may have had a tear or two slip, but they were happy ones :) And, once we have the joy of being parents, it is definitely something i will watch with my children. (ok, maybe one tear slipped when all the families at the drive in were hugging and kissing and i wished we had a little one or ones to do so with). It also left me knowing that someday our family will be complete, but for now the hubs is all i truly need. (i love you for ever and ever)

what does hope like fireworks mean?

good morning! this blog title was actually inspired by a quote from one of the members of To Write Love On Her Arms ( visit www.twloha.com , to learn about this awesome cause). They did a post about the 4th of July and it talked a lot about hope (a very common theme in their message) and being able to "feel" the fireworks. And it clicked, that's what hope should be. Hope should be visible to others, maybe a little over the top, but beautiful anyways. And it should be big, take up most of our sky and light the darkness. So, to my future child(ren) I just want you to know that I already have great hope for our lives together. I don't know what you look like, or what your favorite color is, or if you've even been born yet. But I do know that I already love you, and that you were so very wanted and prayed for and that I already have a hope like fireworks for our lives together.